The Music In You – Part 1 (Instrumental Health – A Mental Health Documentary Series)


[Music] When I heard 2Pac – Changes, I cried as a
kid, and that’s crazy because I didn’t even know the capacity of how big he was
at the time. I just felt it in my spirit. I don’t know what he was
talking about but it just connected with me. And I remember
just being at the stereo, close to it, and crying as a kid. And that memory always
sticks with me, and it’s mad cos I’m a huge 2Pac fan now and I understand
what he was talking about and the depth of it, but, like, maybe it was just in me
from a kid because it’s like I’m on that same path now. We went on tour in front of like 2000
people – that was the Chipmunk tour, the first tour we ever had. And we was
doing a show like every other day so that was the first glimpse I got of
what it would be like to live my dream.
Imagine like – That’s the dream, basically. You want to do shows and interviews
every day, and that’s what we was doing. After the label dropped us, we weren’t
doing music for like a year. I remember us just literally meeting up at – one of
the members is called Vertex – I remember us meeting up at Vertex’s like
every single day just discussing where are we gonna go from here.
Literally, we were stagnant for like a year, and that’s when like the events
leading to my first breakdown of mental health happened, because in that year
you can imagine the depression I was going through, you can imagine the
anxiety I was going through, you can imagine the thoughts that was running through my mind. This is
someone that technically on paper doesn’t have a future in society, because
I didn’t go to university, I didn’t get the best GCSEs, and I haven’t got a job,
so I’m literally banking on music. And then at the end of 2011 –
I remember 2011 going into 2012, I had a huge breakdown. I came home one day and I
just exploded. I was screaming. I was shouting, and then before I knew it,
an ambulance was getting called for me. My mum was in the ambulance with me, and
then I ended up getting sectioned for the first time. Before I went to hospital, I
never knew nothing about anxiety, I knew nothing about depression, I knew nothing
about schizophrenia, I knew nothing about mental health. These things didn’t
exist to me. This world just wasn’t real to me.
And even if it was real to me a little bit, it wasn’t real to me in the
way I should know about it. There was white people in there, black people in there,
Asian people in there. All races was in there. And it just opened my mind that,
wow, this thing that I’m going through now is something that affects everyone.
Like, everyone can go through it. No one is exempt from it. Everyone can
go through it. And that kind of changed my perspective musically. It made me
think like – I’ve got to speak about more things that connect to a
broader audience. Someone brought me Kendrick Lamar’s Section.80, around the times
when I was going through my kind of awakening phase. Someone
was like “Hey Shocks, you should listen to Kendrick Lamar’s Section.80. I think you’ll
like it.” And I listened to it and I was like, wow, this is amazing. Like, the way
he’s just tackling – He had a song called ADHD, like, just talking about
stuff that we’re talking about in society and bringing it into the music.
And I was like, I have got that same ability to do that too.
I don’t know if anyone else felt like that, but I definitely felt like,
I’ve got a voice like this and I should be using my voice to affect people in
the same way. So that set me on my journey, so Kendrick, thank you.
I’ll see you in person one day and I’ll thank you and shake your hand.

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