The Music In You – Part 4 (Instrumental Health – A Mental Health Documentary Series)


[Music] I remember mother going to some therapy sessions, and then them being cut, because the mental health funds got cut for Cheltenham, so four wards went down to one, and she just couldn’t get the help anymore. She was really let down. And that again is a mental health issue because you get into a frame of mind where you think I’m not worth saving. I’m not worth saving. And that’s… So I’ve always known mental health. I’ve always been vocal about mental health. And what’s great about it being talked about more is that there is more language and more words to describe and to explain and to educate people who may be experience it and never had the language before or people who have the language but know someone else who feels the same way. It’s why I’m so vocal about it on my social media, with my fans, with my friends, with anyone. I ended up being a songwriter and a singer because when I was 24 I was not in a good place in London, and I ended up drinking quite a lot. I was not looking after myself at all, and so I ended up writing a lot more, bought a guitar, and it just went from there. It became a default to get on the guitar and play and write, and so in that way, music has really enabled me to not fall down an incredibly bad path. Because mental health is literally how your mind works, how your mindset is, against everything around you and everything inside you, it’s a constant continuous daily exercise. And I think my mental health journey is ongoing, it will be ongoing until the day I die. It will carry on being something that I fight with, that I can lie down with, that I can sleep with and eat with and enjoy life with, and also battle with. It’s gonna be every single day. I’ve got names chasing my footsteps no matter where I hide. If you hold me till the morning I promise I won’t cry. So pour another glass of poison down. Cut the thoughts that say “Turn this around” Keep the candles burning.
Turn the music way up high. It’s alright.
Think I’ll sleep with a stranger tonight. The first time I remember
really listening to music is – my dad had just left, so I was about 5, and my mom
was pretty much a bit of a mess, and she used to play a band called Fairground Attraction, which is like a really great folk band from the 80s, and I remember her dancing around the living room with my brother and sister, obviously trying to be happy for the sake of us, and I remember crying because I could just see that she was falling apart. And she picked me up and put me on her hip and was dancing with me. But I remember that song Find My Love by Fairground Attraction – that’s what she was playing. And with my dad, he used to play a lot of Crystal Gayle in the car. And Crystal Gayle was like my vocal hero, as was Eddi Reader, for many years. So it wasn’t the most positive first start into music, but it’s something that kind of grew to be positive for me because I just loved the way it made me feel.

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